“Sometimes I just don’t want to…”#4 Answer my phone

This is probably all too common and is my daily struggle in life. I have what I’d consider quite an unhealthy relationship with my phone in that it is always in my hand, in fact it’s the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see when I wake up, it actually sleeps on the pillow next to me. Yes I can see the frowns emerging on faces, the ‘L’ shapes being made with hands and general concerns over my radiation levels, but I’m all about the honesty, it is what it is.

But as much as I am always with my phone, the use has to be on my terms. The only time I hear my phone is when my alarm goes off as it is always on silence, after all if it’s always in my hand then why would it need to make any noise? I may even mute the odd whatsapp group if it’s causing too much traffic on my phone or just put it on airplane mode to cut out the interference all together and just listen to music. I went out with a guy once who said, “It’s my phone, I’ll pick it up when I want.” Suffice to say this relationship didn’t last very long but that was probably the most memorable and valuable thing he ever said to me (that I can remember)!!!
So now that we have established I’m a self professed phone junky who doesn’t like my phone sounding off, lets get to the real issue. I see phone calls like I see uninvited visitors, if I’m not expecting your call or have nothing to really say to you then I may just accidentally miss it. Now please, please, please, do not take it personal, it’s not you, it’s me, and there are so many reasons why this might happen, and so it goes:
I just want to message: If we are having a perfectly flowing whatsapp conversation, there is no need for you to call me especially when “Jacqui is typing…” the whole point of messaging is to avoid the vocals, you can’t just change the mode like that, it’s vey inconsiderate and may lead to you being very offended. I may even cut the call just to resume my typing… and yes that has been done before.

I’ve just got off the phone to someone else: On the rare occasion that I do engage in a verbal with someone who probably had the good sense to pre arrange a call, I certainly am not going round 2 with anyone else, my recovery time is very important and I’m sure I probably missed some interesting posts on my social media as a result of the first conversation and so will have to be scrolling for longer than intended. All very inconvenient.

I’m watching my shows: It’s so hard to get to the box these days for whatever reason be it the show is inappropriate for daytime viewing, my son got there first or I’m simply not in the TV watching mood. So when his moment does arrive I’d just like to ride the wave uninterrupted. There’s something very unsettling about seeing an image paused for more than 20 minutes on the screen, so much so that I unpause and repause just to change the frame.

So many other important calls to make: So if I haven’t made that call to I don’t know, book my MOT or missed someone else’s call, then I’m going to have that procrastination guilt, and so if I engage in a conversation with someone else then my excuse about having no time becomes invalid and just makes me feel even worse, so to save my soul, no one gets any phone time love.

I’ve already missed your call: If you have already called me and I haven’t called you back, then you call me again, I’m going to assume that you are calling to give me a piece of your mind. As I am a non-confrontational personal, I’d just miss that call too to justify missing the first, then call you back later apologising profusely and explaining how the days just been…so crazy! That was a mouth full right?

I smell a rat!: I have actually been set up where I’ve missed an uncles call so he’s called me from another uncles phone and I’ve picked up… And well I’m truly caught bang to rights!!!! School girl error, say no to trickery!!!

I know I’m in the wrong: I simply need more time, if I know you’re calling to come at me and I’m not ready…I need more time to construct a well rounded argument and of course give the aggrieved more time to feel…well less aggrieved.

I don’t think so!: This is the exception to the ‘not to take it personal statement’. If you said you were going to call me at a certain time and I’ve since seen the sun set, rise and probably set again. With not so much as an explanation…You missed your window! Sorry!

Luckily, I have many friends on the same wavelength as me but there is always that one who enjoys making you suffer and calls. And then of course there are the international callers who make you throw your head back, blink, cry and then bite the bullet. When I hear the house phone ring it alters my breathing pattern and sends me into a state of instant upset. It’s like playing Russian Roulette with every under the breath ‘Hello!’ which is usually interrupted by an automated PPI message. 
As a result the house phone does not get answered before 6pm, when I strategically dodge a callI I know not to go onto whatsapp and show as online because I know they are looking! (Emoji eyes.) I know this may have all sounded pretty extreme to you but it is the secret to my happiness and long lasting relationships with people. Once they know this it makes for all round happiness!!!

WHAT THE PEOPE SAY:

How would you describe your phone etiquette In terms of contact and making contact?

“I’d say I’m more of a message me don’t call me type of person”
“If someone’s ringing my phone and I’m not busy or about to do something I’ll answer, if not I’ll call back later. Texting is all good, cause it’s more convenient but if it’s important and there’s a lot to be said I’ll call but if it’s just chit chat and banter then generally whatsapp.”
“I respond in adequate time, communicating with people based on what’s suitable for both of you. I naturally communicate by text but I understand that people need a call so I adapt”
“I’d say I’m really good. Will always try to respond to people’s messages. Sometimes I think I may be too available. Emails though I’m the opposite, really bad at responding’
Next Blog: “Sometimes I just don’t want to…”#5 Blog

“Sometimes I just don’t want to… “#3 Look like everyone else

So generally I wear the first thing that I touch on a Monday morning, my day off! I consider my default dress mode being jeans and a jumper, or jeans and a T-shirt type of mode. If I happen to touch a top that everyone stopped wearing 5 years ago, it would not deter me one bit, my premise being that as long as it’s clean and intact, I couldn’t care less. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always get it right so something that seemed like a good idea at the time will make me realise when I catch my reflection, not to do that ever again. I don’t aim to be different in my attire, I am not eclectic in anyway, I just don’t subscribe to other people’s views on what they think I should be wearing, the newsflash is, I dress to represent myself, not who people believe I should be representing.

With that in mind I strongly believe that you must dress for the occasion. So if you are going to work or to an institute that requires a dress code, on entering you should adhere to the pre-stated policies. I say pre-stated as I believe that certain people of authority will try to amend the rules according to personal tastes and we can not be having that. If it’s not in the Standard of Practice then a thumbs up to said person is sufficient. For example, if you go to church looking like a gangster rapper, that may offend some people but there is nothing to really say that you must wear a suit to church especially in 2016 and plus, can rappers not be holy people?!? However, if you go to work dressed for Formula 1 but you work in a corporate office, well maybe just have a little word with your motivations about that one.

Then there is the question of are you breaking the law and outraging public decency? If yes then rightly so you must be called on it, so if you are exposing yourself then yeah, you have to re think that and respect the law of the land and maybe take a little time out in a small room!
Finally, if you are not old enough to buy your own clothes, then don’t be wearing a mini skirt, it’s not OK in any land in my opinion, by my principle I find it cringe worthy looking at a teenage girl trying to offer sneak peaks to the world, plenty time for that mama. To everyone else, I say unapologetically be yourself!!!

So back to my inconsistent wardrobe, my friends know that once I find an item that I love, I will wear it till failure, and that’s in both senses of the word. My main thing is comfort, I just can not deal with the idea that people make themselves physically uncomfortable in order to make themselves socially comfortable. Let’s take for instance the girl in the high heels (who I have tried to be but resembled a clumsy giraffe):

She enters the club and of course she looks on point but sadly for her, the toe vibrations begin to kick in accompanied with erratic mood swings as people are stepping on her toes and she can’t even drink it off because she is the designated driver for the night. She is no longer able to enjoy her evening because she left her flats in the car and there is a no re-entry policy to the club- Ahhhh it’s just not worth it. And to add insult to injury, across the room is the girl in the trainers, now for heel girl it wasn’t that type of night but had she known trainers were allowed she may have reassessed her footwear, she is now a hater cause she is witnessing comfy feet having a ball…and she is not.  

Now I know that despite this, many girls will not forsake their heels based on the sexiness and beauty that they command, nothing wrong with that at all but if you are not that chick then ask yourself, why did you really put those heels on, who are you doing it for? I can’t be that girl, I’m preemptive striking the above scenario with flats and if you want to see my sexy calves I will tip toe for you!

I was in London Bridge the other day and to my shock horror I had forgotten my headphones so had no choice but to people watch on the underground, not creepy at all! I saw some marvellously trendy people. My mental responses ranged from, “That’s nice“, “That’s different” and “Core crickey.” But you know what, the common denominator was that many seemed comfortable and content in their clothes. For the ones who didn’t I wanted to stop them vox pop style and examine the thinking behind it. My need to know often consumes me.

I know people who will not wear last season clothes or who stalk the web hash tagging styles and latest trends. Not only does that seem extremely expensive to me but mighty confusing. Why do I want to have the same clothes as everyone else? (apart from the time in my late teens when me and my friends thought that was so cute for a couple years, some of whom may deny it but I got pictures, wink!)

A little back story, I always got everything late, if everyone was wearing it in the summer, I got it at Christmas when no one cared, probably from the market or passed down from an older cousin so I guess I was slightly conditioned to accept from a young age that I was not trending with everyone else. Now this is just what I live by… Cheers mum and dad!

When it comes to my friends, I know some would just love to get their hands on certain items of mine and burn it or make me that ‘make over chick’…but no! One even told me the other day that she didn’t care for my shoes. Yeah they are bold bright and clunky but I love them so would that make me feel any way?…Nope! When you start getting into the habit of caring about what people think, you lose your identity and become a bit of a lemming. Only when it causes real distress to someone may I rethink it, like when I wear a headscarf to collect my son from school and the pain clearly resonates throughout his body…sorry bupsie!  

So to sum it up, you won’t hear me criticising anyone’s clothes but if I’m having an all white party and you turn up in bright pink… please refer above to paragraph two to avoid embarrassment!

WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY:

How influenced are you by others when choosing your clothes?

“Very influenced, not on brands but types of clothes, the way they are worn, how it looks.”
“Not influenced at all. Dress for yourself not for other people. As long as you like what you see in the mirror that’s all that matters.”

“Not very much. I have to dress for the body I have, not the one I wish I had.”
Next blog: “Sometimes I just don’t want to…” #4 Answer my phone

“Sometimes I just don’t want to…”#2 Go out with my friends

So believe it or not I am actually quite a loner. I like the idea of putting on music, namely 90s R’n’B classics and dancing around the house on the odd occasion I am home alone. I can never spend too much time with myself, something that may be considered the trait of a loser, or narcissistic perhaps!

One of my most loathed things in life are unexpected visits, they can change my mood in seconds, please people do not surprise visit me, the reception will be cold or super fake. When it’s ‘Jacqui time‘ respect the space, I’m much nicer after I’ve had it, I might even let you dance along with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like socialising and many consider me a social butterfly but sometimes the effort of getting it together to go out is just exhausting. When you really don’t want to go somewhere with your friend, but that particular friend always shows up for you the pressure is real. The pressure made me soooo miserable and resentful at some point that I broke and confessed, I had to put it out there. It went a little something like this, “Look, I love you, but I hate raving, I especially hate (that particular rave) please don’t be offended if I don’t go” The last straw was my going to a House, Deep house, Techno (I don’t know) rave, it was painful and I didn’t last more than an hour. Eventually I think my friends just got it, the invites stopped and I was relieved. I would usually look at the photos posted to Facebook over the next couple of days and have no regrets but just be happy feeling that I was missed…Or was I? (Emoji thinking face)

Anyway, my feelings about going out with my friends are not personal, sometimes I could have just had a long week at work, want to spend quality time with my little boy or want to belly flop onto my bed and sleep. There is nothing worse than feeling that over enthusiastic vibe at the beginning of the week where you are like “This weekend, we are out ladies” Then come the weekend, deep breath, sighs and near to tears cause all I want to do is watch Agents of Shield back to back to back! My viewing time is so important to me and once it’s thrown off it just disturbs the rest of the weeks schedule. It is and always will be a woman’s prerogative to change her mind!

The exception to the rule is birthdays, I will make every effort to celebrate and pretend to have fun. Ok , to be fair most times I actually do have fun. Once I land I am generally fine but it’s usually the take off that I struggle with. Impending doom is real!

This week I decided to book myself a ticket to go to a gig alone. I have never done anything like that before. I’m the person who took a long time to realise it was ok to eat in Mc Donald’s alone so this was a strange movement for me but one I will make the norm. My friend expressed that she had concerns and asked me if I was ok! She was definitely bewildered. I didn’t invite anyone to go with me, not because I don’t like anyone but I just wanted to extend my me time to the great outdoors. Plus, there’s something you should know about my friends, they don’t all like each other “like that” This is fair enough as they are all pleasant to each other but deep down I know the bitter truth. A while back one even warned me that if I left them in a room with another then they would kill themself. No mutual friend ever wants to hear that.

That being said I have become very strategic with my invites but this time I just couldn’t be bothered to plan and strategise and so I implemented “Mission solo“. When I usually generate invites they are in groups and then I do the pity and obligatory invites, the next thing I know, we are rolling like an entourage. At this point I must add that my friends seem to like my siblings, so they always extend the invite. I am always venturing with my friends and my family, do you know how hard it is to give the 5 second stare when you’re standing next to your big brothers?

So back to my lone quest, I’m actually really looking forward it. I want to know how it feels to be incognito. No waiting for anyone, no deciding whose going to drive, no arguing over what route we are going to take or if and where we should eat before hand. Nope, I’m just making all of my own decisions as I ride on London transport with my book.

Im always going to always love my friends but just not everything that they love. I do go to bingo with some which is totally inconceivable to others but that is my jam. I’m trying to be a 6 book stamping champion one day. I don’t know how the OAPS do it, they are my heroes. Missing one number literally ruins my whole game, bingo is not for the faint hearted.

A part of me feels like I can afford to swerve my friends most times as I am in contact with them everyday, they are with me first thing in the morning, on my travels around London, at work….(no not at work cause we are not allowed our phones during working hours-emoji eyes) at dinner time and before I go to bed. I can honestly say there isn’t a day where I don’t connect with my friends so I’m never truly alone

 

 

 WHAT THE PEOPLE SAY:

 

How do you feel about going to events alone?

“I’ve always found strength in numbers (that I trust) I couldn’t see myself attending an event without company unless the event was being thrown by the company I would have chosen to be with. Venturing out of my comfort zone is not a journey I have began to explore yet.”

“I’ve gone cinema alone and I’ve had a cheeky Nandos, all experiences both fine. Actual events I’ve not tried solo as yet, lol!”

“I haven’t been to events alone but I am happy to do things alone. I like taking a walk enjoying nature but I always take a book with me.”

Next Blog: “Sometimes I just don’t want to..,” #3 Look like everyone else. 

“Sometimes I just don’t want to…” #1 Wear Make-up

Photo by RainbowsAndLight

I write this make up free and with a happy heart.   And so I begin, “Make up, I respect you and salute the happiness and diversity you bring to many, but sometimes I just don’t want you around and this is why…”

Bad application

I could happily rid myself of my over priced cosmetics many of which I believe I apply incorrectly and do not get the full benefit of, one being my smokey eye pencil. Not only do I resent the fact that it cuts into what could have been extra sleeping time in the morning, but knowing that I have not applied it in the way in which the manufacturers have intended is soul crushing. It is very disheartening when after all that effort you still do not achieve the look that resembles the cover girl who inspired you to buy it in the first place.  Usually after leaving Debenhams with a bag full of products it suddenly dawns upon me that I was not paying attention to the method or what order the beautician applied it in and so end up wasting even more time going onto YouTube trying to figure it all out.

Oily skin

On the occasion that I think I may have got it right, leaving the house and walking that little bit faster or turning the heating on in the car soon proves me wrong as the heat calls to the oils that lie beneath my skin to come and say hello to the world and come and say hello it does in all it’s shiny glory. On the unfortunate occasion that I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or window realising that I look like my face has been dunked in a pan of oil, the dab reflex is triggered causing me to touch my face with my bare hands and now having to remember not to touch anything or anyone.

Hayfever/Colds
As if these ailments were not irritating enough, when I get caught short with a sneezing fit or streaming eyes, there is no way of me blowing my nose and wiping my eyes making that tissue look dignified no matter how many times I fold or  rotate it.  And then comes the paranoia that my nose is now a completely different tone to my face and pray for commuter understanding and hope that I do not look like Beetlejuice at the end of my journey.
Make up removal

So once I have been through the daily turmoil of trying to keep my face intact, literally, I now have to go through the removal process, “So much fun” said no one ever.  Whether it’s from a night out or just a regular day, it’s one of those meanial tasks that make you question the meaning of life. However,  I must admit that once it is off I am filled with gratitude as my face is mine again which leads on nicely to my next point…

Facial Fraud

I know I did not wake up like this and will certainly not be going to bed like this.  When entering into a relationship I make it a point of not wearing make up all the time or not at all where I can get away with it, reason being, it’s not only exhausting to keep up appearances but I think it’s important to give the full picture, blemishes, pores, scars the lot.  After all, honesty is one of the most important factors in a relationship, if you want it you have to be it!  I am still trying to figure out if a girl should wear her full make up on the first date to secure a second date or wear less and rely on genuine attraction and charm *emoji thinking face* Anyhow, I couldn’t deal with the pressure of being with a man who wanted to see me in make up constantly. In my opinion it’s unfair and unrealistic!!!

Peer pressure

At times I am resentful towards my friends for wearing make up as I then feel obliged to put it on otherwise risking standing out like a sore thumb. Sometimes I can even swerve an invite just to dodge the whole doing yourself up malarkey. I mean, there are times when I just ride the wave for a particular occasion but if we are just going to Stratford Westfield do I really have to? Or if I am hosting an evening with friends at home would my non made up face be that offensive?

Am I a tomboy?

Then comes the question of femininity. Are you less feminine if you don’t love to wear make up? My response to that is “oh-puh-lease“. We all know that person with the wonderful Mac finish look but when they speak the content could kill a field of flowers. There is only so far you can weigh feminine routines against behaviours so if not wanting to wear make up daily makes me a dude then call me Bob!

Please do not get me wrong, there are times where things will surface on my face that I don’t want to look at and so I wouldn’t subject the rest of the world to it. That is as close to an altruistic act that I will get in life. So I’m not saying I am against it or judge anyone who depends on it, I’m more intrigued as to the why it is so and wonder what the alternatives are if any.

WHAT THE GUYS SAY:

How do you feel about girls wearing daily make up?

“Over the years I have an increased understanding of why some people may wear make up including skin disorders or confidence in appearance, however, I personally have a view that whilst it may enhance ones appearance to themselves or other females it actually does not for those from the opposite sex.”

“I do not like a lady depending on make up, on like special occasions yeah definitely but every day *monkey emoji covering eyes*”

“Depends, little bit I don’t mind,  hate face foundation,  it shows up all white in pictures and in lighting. Don’t mind eyeliner and things like that, but layers on the face to cover up spots I don’t like.”

WHAT THE GIRLS SAY:

Girls do you wear make up daily?

“When I’ve worn a full face of make up with false eyelashes it’s always been on special occasions and I can’t imagine personally maintaining that look on a daily basis.  Make up is secondary as I think it’s more important to have a good cleansing/moisturising  regime as that will keep you looking your best.”

“I feel like I have no other choice, it’s part of my life now, without it I feel naked.”

“I’ve got a bad habit of wearing make up to work, and now I feel like I have to (even though most mornings I can’t be bothered)”

Next Blogg: “Sometimes I just don’t want to…”#2 Go out with my friends

“Sometimes I just don’t want to…”

So I generally encourage myself to wake up wearing my ‘S’ on my chest to start the day. I usually know where I am going, the route I am taking, what I’ll be wearing and even what I’m going to eat 24 hours before the morning kick off. The routine would usually involve a prayer, some form of affirmation and a spot of reading, then I am good to go. But sometimes there are things in the works that no amount of mental preparation will get me to do once my mind says, “No!” I can really negotiate myself out of doing things that I know I should do or what I think I should be doing in the eyes of “right thinking society.” Speaking of which, I always find the ‘Who wore it better?’ section in publications highly disturbing. If I could afford the item I’d buy it and caption it #whocares but lets keep it real, #aintnobodygottimeforthat. Point being, I know that the celebrity life and look is something that a lot of people measure themselves against or on a smaller scale, what the girl/boy next door, best friend or colleague is doing. My stance in a word is “Blah!” Fitting in is nice, physically and mentally, but sometimes I just feel like I don’t want to be involved in what everyone else is doing, going or wearing.

Do I feel bad about not doing these things? No. Why? Because it’s my prerogative and I actually feel better for it. Sometimes I think it’s healthy to just go against the grain and make no apology for it. We can not always be on our ‘A game.’ I’m not saying that I dedicate my days to nothingness or rebel activity (although duvet days and binging on crap food are factored in on the odd occasion). I’m talking about the small pressures that actually shouldn’t be pressures at all when we really think about them. So welcome to “Sometimes I just don’t want to…” Featuring my many irks in life.

Next blog: “Sometimes I just don’t want to…”#1 Wear Make up

Stop commenting on people’s bodies…it’s rude!!!

Women why do we do it?  Why do many women feel like they have the right to comment on other women’s weight in a derogatory way be them on the larger side or the smaller side?  I find it so confusing that women who struggle with their weight daily loosely throw terms around to other women about their size.  Now I am only really qualified to give an opinion based on my own experience being a slight, thin, slim, skinny girl.

I was born, I was fed and I was healthy but I didn’t develop the same way as the other girls my age did. I remember going to the same chicken shops as my friends and eating the same meals, they were slightly bigger and I remained a size 8.  I am now a 5’7,  32 year old and still weigh the same as I did when I was 16 and this is even after childbirth.  Growing up I wasn’t really bothered about my weight as I was always in good health.  Did I want to put on weight? Of course I did, there were certain outfits that I would have liked to have filled out a little more and I live in London, the winters are bitterly cold, insulation is needed.  Could I put on weight?…No!  Believe me I tried, I joined the gym, I ate stupid amounts of food which only gave me a pop belly (apparently it goes to the belly first then spreads?!?!- I was not feeling that) and it affected my skin.  I did a reverse diet of Slimming World, I was the ultimate sinner and still nothing, I even tried alcohol after seeing the ballooning of a serial cider drinker on Secret eaters (I watched these programs for weight gain tips-true story).  I wouldn’t say that I have the biggest appetite ever but it’s by no means small.  Watching Supersize vs Superskinny offended my stomach to no end as I watched what both sides would eat.  All I can do now is eat my meals and hope for the best to maintain the weight that I have on me.  What I would say is that the amount of work that I’d have to put in just to gain a few pounds is just as pressing  as what someone trying to loose weight would have to do. The struggle to gain weight is real and not only applicable to weight losers. 

Although I am at peace with my weight, as an adult I am amazed about how grown women can look at me and use terms such as “Skinny cow“and “Lucky bit@h” and think these are compliments.  Please miss me with all of that.  I could be at work eating and my lunch would be scrutinised, if it’s large its “Oh my gosh how can you eat all of that and still be so skinny?” If it’s small then it’s, “No wonder you’re so skinny” and if I’m cold it would be “You need to eat more!” Ladies really? Stop it! Let’s be real, if we flip the scenario with a larger person at lunch time eating a large meal and I said “No wonder you’re so fat” or with a small meal, “You hardly eat and you’re so fat” and if they are cold “How can you be so cold with all that weight on you?” Then believe I would be facing a disciplinary.  In any situation it is so unacceptable to offer these opinions.  

Telling people you are trying to put on weight is often soul crushing as it is mocked with responses like, “Just eat more burgers!” But when ‘Jane’ tells people she is finally trying to lose weight, out comes all the words of encouragement and support, no one is telling ‘Jane’ to put down the burgers!

I am not easily infuriated but the below meme irks me in ways…

Wow! I can only hope and pray that this was not created by a woman. When did it become ok to make other women feel bad just to make yourself feel good, or to use men to validate us?  I’m sure that people realise that your bone structure is more or less pre-determined at birth. Yes some people over eat and yes some under eat but body maintenance is generally something you have to work on unless you were given a shape that you are happy with without doing any work to preserve it. If that is case then I am happy for you but just how you may have ‘woke up like this’, so did a lot of other people, only they are not happy with ‘this‘
I guess what I’m really addressing here is the way that we interact with each other.  Just because you may think you are saying something that the other person wants to hear, it doesn’t make it a fact and certainly does not make it ok.  Skinny girls do not want to be the topic of interest at lunch time, they just want to eat. They do not care about when you think they might put on weight and offering some of your body weight is just gross, like it makes me want to vomit in my mouth.  I bet you if said skinny girl asked for some of your weight the gloves would be off, you would be highly offended. It is no different believe me.  My friendly advice is unless there is a serious question of health or concern…just keep it to yourself!
Happy eating EVERYONE!!!

My child’s unwilling sacrifice for his mummy’s happiness!!!

In the beginning of the week I decided to book myself in to get my nails done, something that I have not done in 14 years with the first time being a birthday present which turned into an absolute disaster involving hearts on every finger. As my luck would not have it I totally forgot it was inset day at my sons school so left with very little choice I decided to bring him along to this half an hour appointment then planned to erase his memory with some fun activity.

So we arrive at the nail shop, I give him my phone to entertain himself and let the nail technician get to work. After making small talk about her career in beauty and the occasional mime to my son to see if he was ok, the manager walks in. Previous to this appointment I would pop in to get my eyebrows done or have the odd face treatment, but since moving home I guess I was scarce and it was noticed.

I complained to her about my breakout due to taking zinc tablets which prompted her to ask me if I wanted a facial as I seemed tired. Usually I would have smelt a sale but as I had previously taken time off work the week before due to being tired I knew she was seeing exactly how I was feeling and it was written all over my face.

Before answering I glimpsed at the clock, then at my son and examined my conscious. Would it really be the right thing to do to have my 8 year old boy child sit in a beauty salon for a hour whilst mummy pampers herself? Is this morally and socially acceptable?

Sadly all my body and mind were screaming was ,’Yes! Yes! Yes!’ The manager must have seen my hesitation as she threw in a neck and shoulder massage, well then I was well and truly sold. I then had the conversation with my young one stating that mummy was going to be a little longer than planned which he seemed to be fine with as he was oblivious to all the feminine going ons around him.

Shoes and jumper off and bra straps pulled down I lay down and was instantly comfortable. After 20 minutes of bliss there came a knock on the door…the phone battery had died. Briefly breaking concerntration I believe I mumbled something like, “Just tell yourself a story” I was not trying to break my zen.

Facial and massage ended with full consciousness regained I left the relaxation room to be greeted by an elderly woman getting her nails done who said, “Well I was wondering how long you were going to be, that was long for him.” My response was “He’s a big boy” when in actual fact I wanted to say “Mind your own business chick”…This of course would not have been in line with my upbringing but definitely something I would have applauded had it been said by someone else.

I guess I accept that what turned into an hour and a half may have been a long time but my question is, should I feel guilty for investing that time in myself? When you’re a parent who works hard and meets the needs of your family constantly can we not just cut ourselves a little slack? Had I declined the opportunity I know for a fact that I would not have returned, good intentions or not. Ok he’s a boy but is he not allowed to see his mother invest in herself? I’m not saying I would bring him again if I had other options but what about the mothers who have little babysitting options? Should they deny themselves a little pamper time for fear of criticism? The only regret I have is giving him my phone to use as EE so kindly sent me the ‘you have used 80% of your data text‘ 19 days before it refreshes. 

Can I further mention that I had the pleasure of sitting in the Barber Shop after my happy session only to be subjected to the usual inappropriate comments by the frequenting males (all in the name of banter of course). Yes, I was quickly brought back to reality.

On this occasion I think it’s safe to say that mummy and son ended the day happily with just another scenario to add to our many adventures.